StormCrafter (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} stormcrafter) wrote,@ 2006-02-06 03:40:00 |
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Holy mother of God.
So I'm on the Crosswalk.com forums, just sort of lurking, and I come across this 6-page thread about a mother panicking because her daughter is into Wicca. I HAD to respond. This is what I wrote:
Okay. I was just going to lurk here for a while, but after reading this thread I feel I must make some remarks.
My heart ACHES for the OP's daughter. Here is a young woman who has been courageous enough to break away and seek her own personal spiritual journey, and the response is a group of adults who are doing everything in their power to stop her. Cases like this make me physically ill. The very idea that anyone, inlcuding the girl's parents, have the right to control or manipulate another person's spiritual life is abhorrent. I know you all mean well, but that is exactly what you are trying to do here: manipulate.
The fact that this person is legally a minor is irrelevant. A 16-year-old is, for all intents and purposes, an adult.
This girl needs to be left alone. Just. Stop. Give her some space and time to work out her own beliefs. The teen years are difficult enough without having people breathe down your neck about the "right" path. I am NOT saying she should be permitted to get half a dozen more piercings or have her boyfriend sleep over. There have to be rules, of course. But you CAN NOT have rulership over another person's spiritual life. You can baptise your baby and force them to go to church until they're 18, but none of that is going to do one bit of good for them on a spiritual level.
I feel compelled to comment on the pentacle necklace. It is NOT evil. It is not even a SYMBOL of evil. It is unimaginable to me that anyone could think it appropriate - without the owner's permission - to "pray over" such an object in an effort to change something in the life of the wearer. (In Wicca, by the way, that kind of action is prohibited. Wiccans have a word for it - "black magick.")
OP: It is normal and natural for someone this age to pull away from her parents, especially when said parents are heavily religious. In fact, though it may not seem like it, it is desirable. Your daughter is becoming a woman, with her own thoughts and ideas and opinions. It is time for you to let go. The responsibility for her spirituality is now hers and hers alone, and there is nothing you can do to change that. Perhaps her beliefs will align with yours; perhaps they won't. If you have raised her in a positive and loving environment - and you don't condemn her if she chooses a different path - I promise you will have a loving relationship with her for the rest of your life.
The fact is, when she DOES become a legal adult, you're not going to be able to control her at all. That's only two years away. So you have a couple of options. If you try to rein her in and pull her away from her own choices - regardless of whether YOU think they're "right" - you WILL create a rift that might be permanent. Believe me, I know. So then you will be alienated from your daughter AND she will have joined a religion you don't believe in.
Or, you can provide neutral support for your daughter's exploration of other religions and hope/pray she does what you want her to do. Consider it part of her education, if it makes you more comfortable. After all, learning ABOUT a religion is not the same as joining it! Knowledge is sacred, not dangerous. And that way, at least if she makes what you consider to be the "wrong" choice, you will at least still have a reasonably good relationship with her.
I'm sorry to have to say this, but this is just the kind of thing that turns people away from Christianity. No - not "Satan" or "modern society" or "peer pressure," but manipulation and underhanded tactics (like praying over their jewelry - good grief, I can't get over how awful that is!) You cannot force someone into true spirituality. It is, perhaps, the one thing you simply cannot coerce someone into doing. The more you push this girl, the more she will turn away from you.
I hope I haven't offended anyone with this post, but the very idea that anyone would attempt to change or control the spiritual life of another against their will is against everything I believe in. The arrogance of such an idea! Like I said - I know you all mean well, but really - just who do you think you are?
So I'm on the Crosswalk.com forums, just sort of lurking, and I come across this 6-page thread about a mother panicking because her daughter is into Wicca. I HAD to respond. This is what I wrote:
Okay. I was just going to lurk here for a while, but after reading this thread I feel I must make some remarks.
My heart ACHES for the OP's daughter. Here is a young woman who has been courageous enough to break away and seek her own personal spiritual journey, and the response is a group of adults who are doing everything in their power to stop her. Cases like this make me physically ill. The very idea that anyone, inlcuding the girl's parents, have the right to control or manipulate another person's spiritual life is abhorrent. I know you all mean well, but that is exactly what you are trying to do here: manipulate.
The fact that this person is legally a minor is irrelevant. A 16-year-old is, for all intents and purposes, an adult.
This girl needs to be left alone. Just. Stop. Give her some space and time to work out her own beliefs. The teen years are difficult enough without having people breathe down your neck about the "right" path. I am NOT saying she should be permitted to get half a dozen more piercings or have her boyfriend sleep over. There have to be rules, of course. But you CAN NOT have rulership over another person's spiritual life. You can baptise your baby and force them to go to church until they're 18, but none of that is going to do one bit of good for them on a spiritual level.
I feel compelled to comment on the pentacle necklace. It is NOT evil. It is not even a SYMBOL of evil. It is unimaginable to me that anyone could think it appropriate - without the owner's permission - to "pray over" such an object in an effort to change something in the life of the wearer. (In Wicca, by the way, that kind of action is prohibited. Wiccans have a word for it - "black magick.")
OP: It is normal and natural for someone this age to pull away from her parents, especially when said parents are heavily religious. In fact, though it may not seem like it, it is desirable. Your daughter is becoming a woman, with her own thoughts and ideas and opinions. It is time for you to let go. The responsibility for her spirituality is now hers and hers alone, and there is nothing you can do to change that. Perhaps her beliefs will align with yours; perhaps they won't. If you have raised her in a positive and loving environment - and you don't condemn her if she chooses a different path - I promise you will have a loving relationship with her for the rest of your life.
The fact is, when she DOES become a legal adult, you're not going to be able to control her at all. That's only two years away. So you have a couple of options. If you try to rein her in and pull her away from her own choices - regardless of whether YOU think they're "right" - you WILL create a rift that might be permanent. Believe me, I know. So then you will be alienated from your daughter AND she will have joined a religion you don't believe in.
Or, you can provide neutral support for your daughter's exploration of other religions and hope/pray she does what you want her to do. Consider it part of her education, if it makes you more comfortable. After all, learning ABOUT a religion is not the same as joining it! Knowledge is sacred, not dangerous. And that way, at least if she makes what you consider to be the "wrong" choice, you will at least still have a reasonably good relationship with her.
I'm sorry to have to say this, but this is just the kind of thing that turns people away from Christianity. No - not "Satan" or "modern society" or "peer pressure," but manipulation and underhanded tactics (like praying over their jewelry - good grief, I can't get over how awful that is!) You cannot force someone into true spirituality. It is, perhaps, the one thing you simply cannot coerce someone into doing. The more you push this girl, the more she will turn away from you.
I hope I haven't offended anyone with this post, but the very idea that anyone would attempt to change or control the spiritual life of another against their will is against everything I believe in. The arrogance of such an idea! Like I said - I know you all mean well, but really - just who do you think you are?
